Ep. 49 - When Gambling Problems Lead to Crime: Moving Forward
When Brian was laid off from his job, the recreational gambling that he had been doing turned into a strategy to try and pay his bills. He describes that gambling losses led him down a dangerous path of secrets, pawning family items, emotional instability and stress. Although, he presented to the outside world like “everything is fine.” Even after finding work, there was never enough money to get the family finances back on track. As additional stresses were added to his plate, Brian started to slowly “borrow” money from funds he had access to at work.
Research tells us that about half of individuals struggling with gambling addiction commit a crime.* Among adults, these crimes are financially motivated, non-violent crimes including theft, forgery and embezzlement.**
Addressing a gambling problem is difficult enough, but for individuals whose gambling has led them to commit a crime, it adds another layer of distress, particulalry if facing charges and court involvement. This stress and shame is also felt by spouses and family members.
How do you deal with a gambling problem and rebuild your life when gambling has led to crime?
In episode 49 of our podcast, Fold em: Help for Gambling Problems, Brian shares his experiences with turning himself into police, facing charges and opening up to his fiancee, friends and family about a gambling problem. He talks about how the experience “almost broke me,” but also what helped him to get through it and how now, ten years later, life is “pretty good.”
Tune in to episode 49 and hear about:
what happened as Brian went to the police, was charged and then sentenced in court after pleading guilty
how opening up to others and connecting to counselling and recovery programs provided Brian with support, guidance and (unexpected) compassion
Brian’s reflections on how to NOT get stuck in shame and guilt because of what gambling led you to do
how it has been possible for Brian to move through the hard places that gambling problems took him and build a fulfilling life
Listen now to episode 49 of Fold em by clicking on the green play button at the top of the blog.
If you prefer to tune in directly from Apple Podcasts or Google Podcasts, click on the red “Listen and Subscribe” button below.
“Sometimes people get caught up in bad things, but it doesn’t mean they are bad people. Nor, that they should suffer for the rest of their lives.” Brian
Gambling Led Me Into Committing a Crime - Now What?
In this episode of Fold em, Brian tells us that when his workplace found out he had misappropriately used funds he had been entrusted with, it felt like the fog in his mind lifted and he fully saw the consequences of his actions. In that moment, he saw that he had two choices: “to run or own it with some sense of dignity and empowerment.” Brian chose the latter and made a call to his fiancee and told her what was going on. Then he turned himself in to police.
What happened next is best told by Brian, which you can do by listening to my conversation with him in Fold em.
However, what I will share is what the police offer who interviewed him that day said to Brian:
“I think you’re starting this on the right track … Keep going down the road you’re on - that williness to own this - and I think you’ll find some hope with there.”
This was NOT what Brian expected to hear. In fact, he expected to have the book thrown at him, put in jail and chastized.
Whether gambling problems have led you to keep secrets and lie, build up debt, ignore people important to you, and/or misuse other’s money, it is bound to be a really difficult, uncomfortable and stressful situation.
And, there are steps you can take that might make this a little easier as you move through it.
Here’s what Brian found was helpful for him when gambling problems came to a head:
Get Support From People Who Understand Gambling Issues
Brian says that he felt like he was going to “bust open” and talking was a good pressure release
Listening to others, getting guidance and opening up may help you to see things differently and learn what steps to take
Brian was surprised by the compassion and understanding he experienced as he opened up
Be patient if it takes a few tries to find the right supports for yourself, but stay persistent
Open Up (When it Feels Safe to Do So)
Brian decided that it was better for him to tell his story rather than have others tell it. Although he lost some relationships because of gambling, he also was able to strengthen others by being open, willing to answer questions, and have conversations.
Be Willing to Own What Gambling Led You To Do
For Brian, opening up went hand in hand with taking responsiblity for the gambling problem. For him, this included admitting to the crimes he had committed, acknowledging the impact on others, paying full restitution, and committing to recovery programs (which he’s still involved with). Each person’s situation is different and you will know how to best take ownership for your situation.
You can’t control how others react in hard situations, but you can decide how you prefer to move forward. Acting in line with your own sense of integrity can help you to feel better.
One Step at a Time
Whether you are involved in court processes or trying to rebuild relationships and your life, it can take time. And those timelines are often out of your control. It can be hard to feel at peace amidst all the uncertainty. Brian notes that “taking it one day at a time” was often really hard but helpful.
Work Through Shame as Opposed to Getting Stuck in it
When we act in ways that don’t align with our values, it’s normal to feel shame. However, be careful to not get engrossed or overwhelmed with shame. Brian says that when he first attended recovery groups, he wanted to focus on all the negative consequences of gambling. He thought this was a way to “feel the impact” and stop himself from gambling again.
Use the shame as a sign that you went against your own values and morals. Be honest with yourself and reflect upon what led to this and why it doesn’t sit right with you. But, then use it to say, “I expect better of myself going forward” and this is what I’m doing to grow and change.
Learn about gambling addiction and connect with others who have struggled with it. Seeing that you’re not the only one often helps people to feel better about themselves.
Want to Learn More?
If you would like to hear more from Brian about his experiences with the court process, recovery and moving forward, listen to episode 49 of Fold em.
Listen now by clicking on the green play button at the top of this blog or the red “Listen and Subscribe to Fold em” button below.
You can also hear Brian on the podcast that he produces with Voices of Problem Gambling Recovery. It’s called Voices … The Podcast. Look for the episodes titled “ Know Your Host.” This podcast share information on different recovery programs to help you know about the available options and find what fits best for you.
Check out other episodes of Fold em and be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out when new ones are released.
Want to Connect With Support and Counselling in British Columbia?
If you live in British Columbia and would like to learn more about free, confidential support and counselling services from Gambling Support BC, click on the red “Connect with Support in BC” button below. Or, go to the Gambling Support BC website. You can also access our services through the Gambling Support Line. It is available 24/7 at 1-888-795-6111.
Gambling Support BC services are available to any British Columbia resident experiencing problems from gambling. You don’t need to stop or quit gambling or be self-excluded to access these free supports.
Our counselling and outreach services can help you figure out how to manage gambling concerns, including how to control or stop gambling. You decide what will work for you.
You can talk to an outreach support person about next steps for yourself if you aren’t wanting counselling. They can help you find self-help resources or local community resources and make a plan that meets you where you are at.
Want to Connect With Support and Counselling in the Rest of Canada and the United States?
For a list of gambling help services in Canada, visit www.gamblingguidelines.ca/getting-help
To find gambling help resources in the United States, visit the National Council on Problem Gambling
Fold em is a podcast hosted by Adrienne Cossom and her colleagues at Gambling Support BC. Whether you are looking at stopping or scaling back your own gambling or supporting a family member with a problem, this podcast will help you take back control. Hear from gamblers who have been through it and get tips from counsellors. Fold em is funded by Gambling Support BC.
To learn more about gambling concerns and how to access resources and support, go to the home page of this website, click on the red “Learn More” button below, or connect with us through Facebook.
*Zorland J, Mooss A, Perkins A. Gambling and offending: An examination of the literature. Georgia State University Gambling Project 2008.
**Kryszatjys D, and Matheson F. Problem Gambling and Crime and its Costs, Gambling Research Exchange of Ontario, 2017.