Help for spouses and family impacted by gambling problems

Maybe you had no idea that your loved one had a gambling problem, but you certainly knew something was wrong.  Maybe gambling had been a problem in the past and your gut was telling you they were back at it.  But you were afraid to ask. 

When gambling gets out of control, it absolutely has an impact on others.  This includes spouses, parents, siblings, children, friends, and colleagues. However, you are not alone and help is available.

Here’s what people say about how gambling issues affect loved ones:

“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.  My spouse is so stressed and irritable.  I don’t want to set off conflict, so I try to stay out of their way.”
“It’s like I don’t even know this person I’m living with.  They have withdrawn and I don’t know what’s going on or how to fix it.”
“I couldn’t believe it when I found out how much money had been lost.  I had no idea they were even gambling.  I feel so betrayed that it was kept a secret from me.”

I Just Found Out About a Loved One’s Gambling Problem. What Now?

In many of the episodes of our podcast, Fold em: Help for Gambling Problems, we speak to family and spouses who have been through it.  We also talk to counsellors and financial experts who have guidance to offer.

Here are six tips for family and spouses who are taking first steps with addressing a gambling problem:

  • Don’t Rush

    Gambling issues are often overwhelming, and we don’t make the best decisions when stressed or highly emotional. Take some time for yourself to go through the emotions and get clarity before deciding what to do next.

  • Get a Clear Picture

    Particularly with finances, you need to fully understand what you are dealing with, e.g. How did their gambling impact our finances? Who is owed money? It can also help to learn more about their gambling, e.g. What type of gambling were they doing? How have they already tried to address it? Once you understand the situation, you are better able to figure out a plan.

  • Avoid Taking Over

    To protect the household’s financial security, it may be necessary to step in with managing money. However, as much as possible, develop a plan with the person who gambled. Relapses are less likely if the gambler deals with the impact of their gambling and is on board with any plans.

  • Get Guidance

    Gambling issues are complicated and so it’s best to consult with people who have experience and knowledge. This could include attending a support group, visiting a counsellor, or consulting with a credit counsellor, licensed insolvency trustee or a lawyer. These initial consultations are typically free. Go and ask questions.

  • Recognize What you Can Control and What You Can’t

    The person who gambled may not be ready or willing to try counselling or open up to family. They may not be ready to give up access to money. In the long run it’s better to accept where someone is at, while doing what you can to protect your own finances and security.

  • It’s OK to Take Care of Yourself and Family

    It can feel like you need to focus all your energy on gambling issues, but this will likely be a marathon not a sprint. It’s ok to do normal things for yourself and the family; prioritize spending money on these things and taking a break from thinking and talking about it.

If you would like to hear from family members and spouses who have been through this along with tips from professionals on this issue, check out these podcast episodes and blogs.

Subscribe to our Podcast

Want to Access Help and Support for Family and Spouses Impacted by Gambling Issues?

If you live in British Columbia, you can connect with Gambling Outreach Support anytime.  To do so, click on the red “Connect with Support in BC” button below.  Or go to the Gambling Support BC website.  You can also access these services through the Gambling Support Line.  It is available 24/7 at 1-888-795-6111.

Connect with support BC

Gambling Support BC services are available to any British Columbia resident who has concerns about gambling, including spouses and family impacted by a loved one’s gambling. Our Gambling Outreach Support workers will help you make a plan to address your needs.  This can include being connected to our counselling services.  Any BC resident can access our free, confidential, and multilingual counselling and outreach services regardless of age, language spoken and location.  We offer individual, group, couple and family services.  

Other options for support for spouses, family and friends: