Ep. 79 - Is it time to make a change?
“When a child learns to ride a bike, we help them to take it in steps, with support. For example, you might start with getting comfortable sitting on the bike and learning about the brakes. Next, riding with training wheels. We expect there to be falls and are encouraged to keep at it. Use the same approach with making changes to your gambling.”
Making changes isn’t easy. When gambling gets out of control, change is often more challenging. It can be hard to get to that place where you’re ready to pull back from gambling. When you do stop gambling, there are so many other things to address, (finances, relationships, your health) that it can feel overwhelming. It’s not unusual for gambling to hook you back in again.
In this episode of Fold em, we offer guidance on how to get a good start with making whatever changes you are wanting to tackle. We offer tips for staying on track and handling setbacks. You hear Shane tell his personal story about steps he took to stop gambling and get life back in balance. Dr. Taslim Alani-Verjee, a Clinical Psychologist from Toronto, shares practical suggestions to help you be successful with change. She also offers insight into addressing addiction.
Listen to episode 79 and hear:
A personal story of taking action to stop gambling and get life back in balance
Strategies for getting a good start with making changes for yourself
How to avoid setbacks and get back on track when they happen
LISTEN to EPISODE 79
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I Want to Make Changes With My Gambling. How Do I Get Started?
In this episode of Fold em, Shane tells us he reached a point where he saw clearly that gambling was destroying his life. He was tired of the chaos of money problems and how gambling was negatively impacting his relationships. He knew he wanted to make changes for himself and his family.
Shane started off by asking himself some hard questions about gambling in his life. He thought about, “what does gambling mean to me?” He realized that gambling is like spinning a wheel in the mud or a ferris wheel that you can’t get off. You keep at it with the dream of a big win, but even when a win comes, you still stay at it. Shane decided to work on changing his attitude towards gambling - telling himself that the would never win with gambling and instead, to focus on being satisfied with what he’s got.
After getting clear with why he wanted to stop gambling, Shane’s next step was to make a plan to deal with triggers. This included, reminding himself that he could never win with gambling and getting connected to counselling, support groups and recovery meetings. He also found an accountabilty partner - someone else in recovery to text or call when triggered.
Shane also focused on reconnecting with his wife and building in other ways to fill his time. He promised to say “yes” to any ideas that his wife proposed for getting out on weekends. As his finances and relationships recovered, Shane says he started to feel better, which encouraged him to stay on track.
Dr. Taslim Alani-Verjee, a psychologist in Toronto, also joins us in this episode of Fold em. She offers strategies for getting a good start when making changes for yourself. And, noted that Shane’s approach to stopping gambling is a great example.
Here’s tips for getting started with your changes:
Get clear with yourself on what you want to change and why: When we’re not fully on board, it makes it harder to change. It’s also ok to have mixed feelings about making a change. Shane got clear with himself that despite the pull to keep gambling, financial and relationship stability were more important.
Focus more on the process than the goal: If your goal is to stop gambling for 30 days or to lose 30 pounds, it can be disappointmenting and discouraging if you don’t reach this. Instead, bring your focus to the steps to move yourself in that direction. For example, Shane focused on following through with his plans for managing triggers, reconnecting with groups, and saying “yes” to outings with his wife. He felt positive with each step he took.
Take manageable steps: It’s hard enough to tackle a gambling issue, so make it easier with taking manageable steps. Shane tells us he started off with taking a look at his attitude towards gambling. He then worked on building in more support. Each step built positive reinforcement for the next one.
Find replacements: Gambling (and other habits) are typically serving a need. For example, it is a way to deal with boredom, to deal with financial stress, or maybe to celebrate. It will be easier to let go of gambling when you meet these needs in other ways. Come up with a few ideas and put them into action.
I’ve Pulled Back From Gambling. How Do I Keep it Going?
When he joined us in this episode of Fold em, Shane had been away from gambling for more than a year. He had stopped before and relapsed. What has he been doing differently this time?
Shane tells us that in addition to attending recovery groups regularly and reaching out to a friend when things are challenging, he is also paying more attention to emotions and stress. He says that rather than stuffing down and hiding emotions and stress, he’s trying to accept what he feels. Using an app to practice meditation and relaxation exercises helps with staying grounded.
Dr. Taslim Alani-Verjee, notes that Shane is on a good track. Here’s tips for keeping your changes going:
Prepare for Setbacks: Think about previous times you’ve stopped gambling or made other changes? What tripped you up? What has led other people to relapse? Learn from this. Be realistic and make a plan for dealing with the earliest signs you’re at risk for a setback.
Have a Plan to Get Back on Track: If you have a setback, guilt, embarrassment, disappointment and frustration are to be expected. However, they can lead you to throw up your hands and slide back to familiar habits. How else can you respond after a set back? Make a plan to deal with the tough emotions and get through it.
Don’t Go it Alone: Particularly with gambling issues, support and guidance from people who understand is needed. Make it a routine to stay connected - even when you’re doing well. With family and friends, be clear about how they can support you and have realistic expectations of them.
To hear more from Shane and Taslim about how to start and stay on track with pulling back from a gambling problem and making other changes for yourself, listen to episode 79 of Fold em. They both offer practical suggestions and ideas about how to deal with tough emotions and relationship issues in recovery. Listen now by clicking on the green play button at the top of this blog or the red Listen Now to Fold em button at the bottom.
Related Fold em Episodes
You can hear an earlier conversation with Shane when he was eight months gambling free. He talks about his experiences with gambling relapses and what he now knows and is doing differently to stay away long-term. Listen now to episode sixty nine of Fold em by clicking on the play button below.
What Support is Available to Help With Gambling Concerns?
To learn more about gambling concerns and how to access resources and support, go to the home page of this website or listen to other episodes of Fold em.
Fold em is funded by Gambling Support BC.
We welcome your feedback and ideas for topics for upcoming episodes. Reach out through the Contact Us page on this website or through email at Foldempodcast@gmail.com.
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